Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tiger Woods had a squeaky clean image. He is tremendously talented and tremendously rich. He is married to a beautiful woman and has a great family. What would make him sabotage all that for one or more extramarital affairs? Some people say that it is just human nature to cheat; isn’t variety the spice of life? As a marriage and sex therapist practicing for quite a long time, I could tell you that I do believe that variety is the spice of life and that it probably is a natural human instinct to want to have sexual relationships with people other than one’s spouse. When you have a celebrity such as Tiger Woods, who is probably a constant object of desire for beautiful women, how could he resist this temptation? And look at the statistics; the latest one I read was that 60 % of men and 40% of women have some kind of extramarital affair in their lifetime. (Probably a rough estimate) So-back to the question that is the title of this blog- Is monogamy too much to ask for in a marriage?
NO!!! It is not too much to ask for in a marriage. However, there is a catch!
As I write about in my book, "The Long, Hot Marriage" we need to evolve beyond our ancestors (parents. grandparents, etc.) and learn the principles of creative monogamy. Creative monogamy involves:
1) Creating a strong emotional connection with our mate.
2) Being honest about our inevitable and natural ambivalence about being totally faithful.
The ideal is to treat our partner as our confidante even about matters that may push his or her insecurity buttons such as attraction to other members of the opposite sex.
3) Continually taking risks in and out of the bedroom with our partner and making sure that we don't slip into "deadening" roles and stuck patterns.
Creating a strong emotional connection involves taking the time to slow down and communicate with your partner. You need to develop the emotional muscle necessary to listen without being defensive as well as learn to express your feelings, thoughts and desires in a non-accusatory style that encourages your partner to listen. This takes practice and since we have had little or no role models for this skill, it is sometimes helpful to get a relationship therapist or coach to assist. An attitude of interest and curiosity towards your partner has to be cultivated.
Most if not all married people have ambivalence about being faithful. There is that part of us that wants to be loyal and make the marriage work. But it is totally natural to be attracted to members of the opposite sex . It is ridiculous to think that we could make ourselves not feel these feelings just like it would be just as ridiculous to not feel hungry after a full night’s sleep. Most partners try to hide these parts of themselves for fear of angering or hurting the spouse. This “hiding” actually increases the chance of infidelity since it starts to disrupt the emotional connection between the couple. When these more challenging conversations take place, it paves the way for increased acceptance of ALL of who you and your partner are.
If you are honest with yourself, any area of life that has been successful for you has been at least in part due to you risking in some way. Your marital life is no different. If you stay too long in your comfort zone, your relationship dries up. Dare to be different. Share another side of yourself. Try something new in the bedroom. Be playful and adventurous. Be willing to look silly. Don’t play it too safe. Be willing to get rejected by your spouse. Don’t protect yourself too much. Open your heart.
Marriage is not for the feint of heart. The couple needs to develop the emotional muscle to create a strong emotional bond. They need to courageously share all of who they are, not just the wonderful, loyal side but the sides that may evoke insecurity. Lastly, it takes courage to consistently risk in and out of the bedroom. Doing the three steps I outlined, makes marriage and faithfulness an exciting adventure. Of course, there are no guarantees when it comes to interpersonal relationships. However, if you build the kind of relationship that you could by doing what I am writing about, it will be far easier to say “No!” to an exciting impulse that could lead to infidelity. The kind of relationship you would be building as well as how you would feel about yourself and your mate, just wouldn’t be worth the risk.
Alana Stewart has used James Van Praagh to contact Farrah Fawcett. In this segment, James Alana Stewart and medium James Van Praagh talk to ET about their other worldly experience in trying to reach Alana's best friend, Farrah Fawcett.
James states to Alana, "Farrah is right behind me, really really strong, and saying, 'Come on let's go," says James during their psychic session, and Alana replies, "That is so her, that is so her! That is so strange. Whenever she was impatient, she would sit like that and put her hand to her face and go, 'Come on, let's go.'"
"She said, 'Thank you for wearing my bracelet,'" says James, and Alana replies, "I'm wearing it right now! … She gave this to me for my birthday two years ago. … Oh my God!"
Now here is the interesting part, I reported in June that Alana was selling jewelery and other items through a 3rd party on ebay that Farrah had given her. Wasn't that bracelet the one Alana sold? If it is, then James is wrong, or Farrah can't see the bracelet she is wearing. If this is truly the case, maybe James can ask Farrah who took her journal and could they give it back to Red, the rightful owner.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
I have been fairly quiet on this issue, for many reasons. One of which is: Why help this self aggrandizing individual proselytize himself further on the death of Farrah? Now here is what has happened. I was contacted by Dylan Howard, Editor of Crocmedia, the company that owns OK magazine, for an interview. Mr. Howard had flow out to Greg’s “home” (3707 24th Street Lubbock, TX 79410) in Lubbock, TX for 3 days to Greg Lott. Mr. Howard, states that after the interview he thought, Greg was credible despite the several claims of fraud, mail fraud, and all the other numerous complaints fans have voiced. My blog has been described as revengeful, spiteful, and of course my favorite nasty by some of the best in the business. This may be, the reality of the situation, and the events surrounding Farrah’s death, were disgusting at best. The actions of the people that were closest to her have used her death to profit. These pathetic people that couldn’t earn a living on their own, whom had never accomplished one thing other meeting Farrah Fawcett, are shouting from the roof tops that they knew her and slept with her. Lott who’s only claim to fame is that he knew Farrah Fawcett; this is a man whose only real accomplishment is that he was too stupid to get away with a crime and went to jail. He played football in 1966, got hurt and never played after that. A success is one who overcomes diversity and accomplishes something. Greg has waited for years to see what he was going to receive from Farrah’s estate. This is the reality of the situation, sadly it controversy sells it sells magazines, and it sells papers. My statements are the truth, as told to me by Greg Lott, and backed up by all the information I gathered from him as well as others. I saw up close the character of this individual, and I reported it to you. Did he fool me at first, yes he did, but as soon as I figured out what his motives were I alerted the fans the best way I knew how. I understand Mr. Howard, he wants to sell papers, that’s just business. Now everyone has acknowledged Greg knew Farrah. To my knowledge, she didn’t leave anything in the will, and to my knowledge he never sent any money to Farrah’s charities or to her father. Greg was just a puppy that she took out played with for awhile and then put down. Greg so wants to be so much more, in the end for reasons I will never understand she chose Ryan O’Neal to accompany her to Germany and the rest is history. Now it’s just a fight over her money and estate, it just gets more pathetic as time travels on.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
In your e-mail and comments you have asked me for the truth concerning the events surrounding Farrah's tribute the story behind the scences with Ryan and Alana. I met Craig Nevius on the set with William Shanter years ago, when I adjusted his horses and then him in the barn. Mr. Shatner is just a great and funny manm true professional. Craig has gone to alot of trouble, I expect Ryan has threatened him or tried to intimidate him and god know what that other had has done. But read his story, give it respect, absorb, embrace and keep it in your heart. Craig is doing an amazing thing, he is to be congratulated for his strength getting the truth out. I can only imagine what Ryan and Alana think of this.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Recent questions have arisen as to why Greg had not seen Farrah in almost 3 years prior to her death. The question I am continually asked “If Greg loved Farrah so much why didn’t he see her?” The answer, "I didn't want to see her like that" Greg stated in his recent interview. Mr. Lott unable to find work, and washing cars in Lubbock, Tx found a way through Farrah to earn extra money selling her pictures and memorabilia online through the website. Greg Lott was contractually bound to send 75% of the proceeds from FarrahFawcett.us to help her charities and ailing father. As Farrah was living her last days, Greg's only mission was to have Farrah sign over her rights to the website and her likeness to him so he could profit further. Ryan O’Neal thwarted those plans by denying Greg access to Farrah when he was here from Texas. Additionally, Greg was advertising on the Farrahfawcett.us his ability to have a “personalized autographed photo of Farrah Fawcett” available for an additional fee. Greg continually sold these pictures to awaiting fans without having the ability to reach or see the dyeing Icon. Questions continually arise as to how these pictures magically contained Farrahs’ personalized wishes to her fans. Complaints of mail fraud, forgery and fraud have been lodged at Greg Lott and FarrahFawcett.us. The website and Farrah’s likeness are owned by Farrah’s estate and ultimately Redmond O’Neal. Today, the website is up and selling Farrah’s merchandise, so Greg is once again profiting from Farrah Fawcett ultimately cheating Farrah’s estate of the money it deserves. Yes Greg Fight the Fight for one more dollar from Farrah.
Monday, August 24, 2009
First let me thank Alana for the plug of my blog on ET the other night, I love being right. Anyway, it has been brought to my attention, that product placement is alive and well in the Vanity Fair Article. Yes, Ryan and Alana capitalizing on the death of their "Best Friend" and "Love of My Life". Case in point, I refer to page 308 of the Vanity Fair piece which ran last week on Farrah. There are two pictures, one of Ryan on Farrah's bed following her death and one of Alana and Ryan on Farrah's terrace after her death. All the other pictures were from the past but in these pictures, Ryan is wearing Prada and Alana is wearing Theory. See we were right, Ryan and Alana obviously got paid for advertising these products; note the credits on the right side of the page indicating the brand names. This is no different that models wearing clothes in GQ, with the brands listed on the opposite page.
It is despicable that these two would use an article about Farrah's life and death to make another couple of bucks. Ryan in Prada on Farrah's bed and Alana in Theory, These two greedy, morally corrupt people profit every way they can from his "lover" and her "best friends" death." Who thinks this way, when I have lost friends my only thought was to help the family, and try and cope with the deep loss of losing one’s friend or loved one. This would have never have crossed my mind.
It has been my contention from the beginning that these two vultures saw an opportunity to capitalize on the death of Farrah Fawcett and have from the time Farrah’s end was near. As I originally wrote, Alana started selling Farrah’s memorabilia before she was even buried. On the day of Farrah’s death, Ryan grabbed a brief case from Farrah’s condo within hours of her death. A few days ago, one of Ryan’s flunkies was spotted driving around Malibu in Farrah’s car. Now I am told Ryan and Alana are shopping the documentary of Farrah’s’ last days. What new products or clothes will be strategically placed in the documentary? Maybe there could be a cut away during some of the saddest parts to commercial for an anti depression medication. Here’s an idea, maybe a commercial with the voice over “staying up late with a sick friend, use Brand X Energizer Drink”. The empty can be strategically stacked on the bedside table. Here’s another suggestion for Ryan, maybe a product endorsement for Jenny Craig or the manzier (the bra for men premiered in Seinfeld). What type of person plots to make a profit from someone’s death, are times that tough Ryan? Entertaining those younger women on the beach can be expensive, (especially the Viagra costs) wait there is another product endorsement idea.