Is Monogamy Too Much To Ask For in a Marriage? by Todd Creager

Tiger Woods had a squeaky clean image. He is tremendously talented and tremendously rich. He is married to a beautiful woman and has a great family. What would make him sabotage all that for one or more extramarital affairs? Some people say that it is just human nature to cheat; isn’t variety the spice of life? As a marriage and sex therapist practicing for quite a long time, I could tell you that I do believe that variety is the spice of life and that it probably is a natural human instinct to want to have sexual relationships with people other than one’s spouse. When you have a celebrity such as Tiger Woods, who is probably a constant object of desire for beautiful women, how could he resist this temptation? And look at the statistics; the latest one I read was that 60 % of men and 40% of women have some kind of extramarital affair in their lifetime. (Probably a rough estimate) So-back to the question that is the title of this blog- Is monogamy too much to ask for in a marriage?

NO!!! It is not too much to ask for in a marriage. However, there is a catch!

As I write about in my book, "The Long, Hot Marriage" we need to evolve beyond our ancestors (parents. grandparents, etc.) and learn the principles of creative monogamy. Creative monogamy involves:

1) Creating a strong emotional connection with our mate.

2) Being honest about our inevitable and natural ambivalence about being totally faithful.
The ideal is to treat our partner as our confidante even about matters that may push his or her insecurity buttons such as attraction to other members of the opposite sex.

3) Continually taking risks in and out of the bedroom with our partner and making sure that we don't slip into "deadening" roles and stuck patterns.

Creating a strong emotional connection involves taking the time to slow down and communicate with your partner. You need to develop the emotional muscle necessary to listen without being defensive as well as learn to express your feelings, thoughts and desires in a non-accusatory style that encourages your partner to listen. This takes practice and since we have had little or no role models for this skill, it is sometimes helpful to get a relationship therapist or coach to assist. An attitude of interest and curiosity towards your partner has to be cultivated.
Most if not all married people have ambivalence about being faithful. There is that part of us that wants to be loyal and make the marriage work. But it is totally natural to be attracted to members of the opposite sex . It is ridiculous to think that we could make ourselves not feel these feelings just like it would be just as ridiculous to not feel hungry after a full night’s sleep. Most partners try to hide these parts of themselves for fear of angering or hurting the spouse. This “hiding” actually increases the chance of infidelity since it starts to disrupt the emotional connection between the couple. When these more challenging conversations take place, it paves the way for increased acceptance of ALL of who you and your partner are.
If you are honest with yourself, any area of life that has been successful for you has been at least in part due to you risking in some way. Your marital life is no different. If you stay too long in your comfort zone, your relationship dries up. Dare to be different. Share another side of yourself. Try something new in the bedroom. Be playful and adventurous. Be willing to look silly. Don’t play it too safe. Be willing to get rejected by your spouse. Don’t protect yourself too much. Open your heart.
Marriage is not for the feint of heart. The couple needs to develop the emotional muscle to create a strong emotional bond. They need to courageously share all of who they are, not just the wonderful, loyal side but the sides that may evoke insecurity. Lastly, it takes courage to consistently risk in and out of the bedroom. Doing the three steps I outlined, makes marriage and faithfulness an exciting adventure. Of course, there are no guarantees when it comes to interpersonal relationships. However, if you build the kind of relationship that you could by doing what I am writing about, it will be far easier to say “No!” to an exciting impulse that could lead to infidelity. The kind of relationship you would be building as well as how you would feel about yourself and your mate, just wouldn’t be worth the risk.

Alana Contacts Farrah Through James Von Praagh

Alana Stewart has used James Van Praagh to contact Farrah Fawcett. In this segment, James Alana Stewart and medium James Van Praagh talk to ET about their other worldly experience in trying to reach Alana's best friend, Farrah Fawcett.

James states to Alana, "Farrah is right behind me, really really strong, and saying, 'Come on let's go," says James during their psychic session, and Alana replies, "That is so her, that is so her! That is so strange. Whenever she was impatient, she would sit like that and put her hand to her face and go, 'Come on, let's go.'"

"She said, 'Thank you for wearing my bracelet,'" says James, and Alana replies, "I'm wearing it right now! … She gave this to me for my birthday two years ago. … Oh my God!"

Now here is the interesting part, I reported in June that Alana was selling jewelery and other items through a 3rd party on ebay that Farrah had given her. Wasn't that bracelet the one Alana sold? If it is, then James is wrong, or Farrah can't see the bracelet she is wearing. If this is truly the case, maybe James can ask Farrah who took her journal and could they give it back to Red, the rightful owner.

Farrah Fawcett the Real Truth

In your e-mail and comments you have asked me for the truth concerning the events surrounding Farrah's tribute the story behind the scences with Ryan and Alana. I met Craig Nevius on the set with William Shanter years ago, when I adjusted his horses and then him in the barn. Mr. Shatner is just a great and funny manm true professional. Craig has gone to alot of trouble, I expect Ryan has threatened him or tried to intimidate him and god know what that other had has done. But read his story, give it respect, absorb, embrace and keep it in your heart. Craig is doing an amazing thing, he is to be congratulated for his strength getting the truth out. I can only imagine what Ryan and Alana think of this.

Alana & Ryan Profiting from Vanity Fair Article of Farrah!

First let me thank Alana for the plug of my blog on ET the other night, I love being right. Anyway, it has been brought to my attention, that product placement is alive and well in the Vanity Fair Article. Yes, Ryan and Alana capitalizing on the death of their "Best Friend" and "Love of My Life". Case in point, I refer to page 308 of the Vanity Fair piece which ran last week on Farrah. There are two pictures, one of Ryan on Farrah's bed following her death and one of Alana and Ryan on Farrah's terrace after her death. All the other pictures were from the past but in these pictures, Ryan is wearing Prada and Alana is wearing Theory. See we were right, Ryan and Alana obviously got paid for advertising these products; note the credits on the right side of the page indicating the brand names. This is no different that models wearing clothes in GQ, with the brands listed on the opposite page.

It is despicable that these two would use an article about Farrah's life and death to make another couple of bucks. Ryan in Prada on Farrah's bed and Alana in Theory, These two greedy, morally corrupt people profit every way they can from his "lover" and her "best friends" death." Who thinks this way, when I have lost friends my only thought was to help the family, and try and cope with the deep loss of losing one’s friend or loved one. This would have never have crossed my mind.

It has been my contention from the beginning that these two vultures saw an opportunity to capitalize on the death of Farrah Fawcett and have from the time Farrah’s end was near. As I originally wrote, Alana started selling Farrah’s memorabilia before she was even buried. On the day of Farrah’s death, Ryan grabbed a brief case from Farrah’s condo within hours of her death. A few days ago, one of Ryan’s flunkies was spotted driving around Malibu in Farrah’s car. Now I am told Ryan and Alana are shopping the documentary of Farrah’s’ last days. What new products or clothes will be strategically placed in the documentary? Maybe there could be a cut away during some of the saddest parts to commercial for an anti depression medication. Here’s an idea, maybe a commercial with the voice over “staying up late with a sick friend, use Brand X Energizer Drink”. The empty can be strategically stacked on the bedside table. Here’s another suggestion for Ryan, maybe a product endorsement for Jenny Craig or the manzier (the bra for men premiered in Seinfeld). What type of person plots to make a profit from someone’s death, are times that tough Ryan? Entertaining those younger women on the beach can be expensive, (especially the Viagra costs) wait there is another product endorsement idea.

Alana Stewart - Much To Do About Nothiing

Attorney's for Alana Stewart have sent me the attached letter telling me to take the references to Alana Stewart down. Let me begin by saying, I am a big fan of Mr. Weitzman, the case he presented for entrepreneur John DeLorean was nothing short of amazing. The case had foreign governments, corruption etc all being thrown at one brilliant guy DeLorean. Rolling Stone magazine broke the story, Mr. Weitzman, stood up to the federal government as well as other concerns, and there were many, in regards to this case. It is a case that should never be forgotten for a litany of reasons.

When I received this letter, the first thing I thought was boy "book sales must be dragging". Alana's got to get some press and nothing sells better than controversy. The second thing I thought was, "I am not going to feed into this beast and I will go on my marry way". After the Greg Lott debacle, I really didn't want to see anymore of Alana, Ryan, and Greg. I thought, thank god Farrah saw through all of this human debris and got the last laugh. To this day I still can't believe what I was witness too. But when I got Alana on these talk shows twisting facts well, here we again.

First I want to thank Alana for the referencing me on ET as "that blogger". Alana knows who I am as she was providing stories about Farrah to Joan Dangerfield while Farrah was in the last days of fight against cancer. According to Lott, FF had kept a video journals for a long while prior to and after her diagnosis of Cancer. FF hired Alana to film her for the "wing and a prayer" video that Nevius was producing. Now there is still a lawsuit over the facts of this relationship, and how much she was to be paid, and the location of the video tapes that Alana retained.

What seems to be so offensive to Alana, is the statements I wrote on August 5th in my blog. I wrote "there are video out takes of Alana & Ryan together in robes, without apparent clothes underneath, in the living room of Farrah's home, while she was in the bed next door. Outside of porn, their was some very "interesting" behavior". The weekend that Jim Fawcett came into town the to see FF pior to his death, he stayed in the guest bedroom. I was told, by inside sources Ryan and Alana were upset because "they were thrown out of their bedroom". The night they were thrown out of the bedroom they Alana Stewart and Ryan O'Neal retired to his malibu beach house. When Jim Fawcett left, according to sources they moved back in to the guest bedroom.

Now what's interesting here is I never indicated their was an illicit affair. I said "outside of porn", the behavior was interesting. Meaning that their was no porn meaning sex, but their behavior is interesting, and it was. This was the same time or shortly after, Ryan was being arrainged in court for alledgedly propositioning a young woman for a sex act. Ryan was seen on the beach frollicking with other women on beach in front of his malibu beach house etc. So Alana's statement's indicating that FF and Ryan were planning to get married must be fiction. What amazes me is that my little blog, is responsible for Alana running from show to show denying that she slept with Ryan O'Neal. I think you protest you loudly.

Ryan and Alana took the publicity to its current level, not me.. Frankly I've never seen this many denials since the OJ trial, sorry couldn't hold back the joke. For you out there that don't remember Mr. Weitzman represented OJ with other law greats, during the murder trial.

Now I did report that Ms. Stewart was selling "Farrah Fawcett Memorabilia" on ebay immediately following her death. This good friend of Farrah, as she notes in her interviews sold personal items given to her by Farrah on ebay. Better yet they were sold on the day of the funeral. This of course she doesn't respond too. In my opinion, Alana, is just one more oportunist attempting to profit off of Farrah Fawcett. Alana saw an oportunity and took it, according to sources Farrah had a specific plan for her videolog and the message it was to deliver, as well as the messenger. Its difficult to believe, after all the steps Farrah took to film her struggle, she picked Alana as the messenger. There is an old saying you can put lipstick on a pig, its still a pig.

The stories, and observations I wrote on this blog have been published by more notable publications than mine, ie ET, TMZ, National Enquirer, to say a few. Mr. Weitzman Are they getting letters? If not, what's holding you back, tap that book advance and send them out. The problem with this advice, She'll run out of money, and then we would have to sit through yet another droll interview on NBC. Or better, she'll marry some poor schmuck and take his money, probably to the delight of Mr. Hamilton and Mr. Stewart.

Next we may post a comparison of FF estate and O'Neal's estate to refute Alana's statements on Fox.

Things Said At Farrah's Funeral

Oh hey how ya doing, I'm a movie star, you got a drink on you, got a car? OH sorry honey, how's mommy?

Greg Lott Cheats Dying Farrah Out of Money!

Farrah Fawcett, while at Texas University meet Greg Lott, the Star College Football Quarterback at a fraternity party, started what was to be a long love affair. In their junior year of College, their paths took dramatically different turns. Farrah’s path took her to Hollywood and Greg’s took him to jail. Mr. Lott had an on and off love affair with Farrah Fawcett following her divorce from Lee Majors. Farrah Fawcett and Greg Lott again reignited their love affair in 1998 and continued a secret love affair through to her death, June 25, 2009. Through those years, Farrah and Greg exchanged numerous love letters, describing the intimate details of their affair. Farrah and Greg published FarrahFawcett.us to sell Farrah’s memorabilia online to help support Farrah’s charities, and ailing father, Jim Fawcett and give Greg Lott additional financial support.

What Greg Lott will not tell you in his August 5, 2009 interview on E True Hollywood Story is that he cheated his longtime secret lover out of several thousand dollars. Greg Lott, states in his interview that Farrah is “the love of his life and best friend” and “the truth of their relationship must come out”. However, what he never tells E True Hollywood Story is how he never sent any revenue consistent with their contract amounting to a $100,000.00 to an estimated $500,000.00. Mr. Lott had trouble finding work following his drug convictions in the 70’s and 80’s and was “washing cars for a living” in Lubbock Tx. Farrah in an attempt to help her lover and friend developed the website in 2005 as a way to raise money for charity, help support her ailing father and give Greg a living. The website was the idea of Farrah Fawcett and came to fruitarian with the help of Farrah’s assistant Mike Pingel in 2005. The financial arrangements of the contract indicate 75% ownership was to be retained by Farrah Fawcett and the remaining 25% was held by Greg Lott for managing the site. Greg Lott provided the day to day operations, as to take orders, send memorabilia and market the site.

Greg Lott states he talked to Farrah on the phone several times a day until Farrah’s return from Germany. Upon Farrah’s return in April 2009, Ryan O’Neal, came back into Farrahs’ life to assist her in what was to be her final days. Mr. Lott states, that during the 2009 Easter weekend, Mr. O’Neal, along with Bernie Francis, opened Farrah’s personal safe discovering the love letters from Greg Lott to Farrah along with personal Polaroid’s of Greg and Farrah together. During that time Ryan O’Neal with a signed power of attorney from Farrah Fawcett, cut Mr. Lott off from all access to Farrah except her doctors, Alana Stewart and Mella Murphy. When Greg was unable to reach Farrah by phone, he flew from Lubbock TX, to see Farrah at her home at The Wilshire; Ryan O’Neal denied access to Greg, never letting him see his dying long time secret lover. Mr. Lott, however all the while, selling Farrah’s memorabilia online and keeping the money. In the weeks following the Easter news release of Farrah’s’ declining health, Greg Lott collected more than $20,000.00 dollars in sales. Farrah, with a feeding tube, laying in her bed, the love of her life was selling her memorabilia cheating her out of money, subsequently profiting off her declining condition. Mr. Lott is currently writing his book, about his life with Farrah Fawcett.